It was a humid Saturday night and the F family members were inside the bedroom preparing for dreamland when the cutie, out of the blue, just rattled.
O: Daddy I think I will not get married when I grow up.
D: Oh, why is that?
O: I will be too embarrassed to get a wife, that’s why.
D. And why should you be embarrassed?
O: It’s because I have to do “lips to lips” with her in front of people! And that’s really embarrassing!!!!
On another occasion, the little one blurted,
O: Mommy, I have an idea. I can actually get married, but on one condition.
M: What is it?
O: During the ceremony, instead of the preacher saying , “You may now kiss the bride,” He should say something else.
M: What is he supposed to say then?
O: “You may now hug the bride!”
 Scene: Inside a restaurant
O: Mom. when I grow up, I will put up a restaurant.
Me: Wow. That's very nice. What kind of restaurant will it be?
O: I will call it Movaba Restraurant. It's a sports restaurant. It will serve healthy food.
(Movaba stands for Moderation, Variety and Balance -- our lesson on Nutrition which we learned from an old issue of Nestle magazine).
Me: Give me an example of a healthy food in your restaurant.
O: Fried chicken, of course!
Me: Uh,uh. It may not be that healthy, son.
O: But it is! When you eat it, there are vegetables inside!
Me: (amused) Wow, stuffed chicken! Chicken con vegetables. It must be delicious.
O: Yes. And healthy!
 The kiddo and I were preparing for an afternoon nap when matter of factly, I asked him something. Here's a peek into our mini conversation:
Me: (poker-faced) Son, is Mommy sexy?
O: (yawning) Yes....
Me: Oh, thanks. But do you know what "sexy" means?
O: Yes. I know it , Mom.
Me: What does it mean, then?
O: (looking straight into my eyes) HOT!!!
Me: LOL!
I am one hot mommah.
The little man just finished his reading for the day --Enyd Blyton's The Magic Egg. Follow our conversation after he threw the pocketbook on the bed.
Me: So, what have you learned from the story?
O: You need to obey orders.
Me: And if you don't obey, what will happen to you?
O: You will be sent out.
Me: Sent out? By whom?
O: By your parents.
Me: Oh, and when you are sent out. What will you do?
O: Beg for money from people.
Me: Is it right to beg for money?
O: No.
Me: Why not?
O: Because you will be wasting other people's money.
Me:Then if you won't beg, how can you have money to buy food?
O: You just have to wait for people to drop their coins, and you pick them up.
Me: But what if they don't drop their coins?
O: Then you beg for money.
Me: I thought you said, it's not right to beg for money.
O: Yes, but it is not right for kids to go hungry, too.
Me: What you need to do is go back to your parents, and say sorry to them, so you don't have to beg money from people.
O: But they are already far away! How can I go back? I don't have a map. I need a map to go back home. And I need money to buy a map.
Me: Which means....
O: I have to beg for money so I can buy a map, so I can go back home.
Me:Oh. So what lessons have you learned again?
O: Be obedient.
If you disobey, you will be sent out.
And if you are sent out, be sure to bring a map so you can still go back home.
If you don't, you will beg for money.
Me: Thanks, son. I learned a lesson, too. The disobedient do lose their way.
The little man struck again.
Without the househelp to cook for us, I have been on a tailspin for the last three weeks whipping up dishes for the boys' choosy taste buds. Yesterday,TLM (the little man) insisted on having uncooked corned beef for his viand. Take a peek at our conversation:
Me: What do you want me to cook for lunch?
TLM: Mom, I want Target corned beef. Don't cook.
Me: But it's canned food. It is not nutritious, son.
TLM: It's delicious, and nutritious, Mom.
Me: Why do you say it's nutritious?
TLM: Because, it has CORN. And corn is nutritious, right?
Me: LoL!
Alarmed by the appearance of white spots on our younger son's face and on both his elbows and knees, we took him to a dermatologist one Saturday morning. The doc's diagnosis was fungal infection.
Little man: (On our way home) Mom, I noticed something.
Me: What is it?
Little man: I think my skin doctor has fungi, too.
Me: Why did you say that?
Little man: Because I saw her scratching.
Me: Where?
Little man: Inside the pocket of her white jacket.
Me: (Amused) Oh, her pocket must have fungi. It was itching for our payment. Hi,hi.
Little man: I told you, she has fungi infection, too. (then belted out, ala Whitney Houston)
Fungiiiiiiiii... yay,yay..... will always love you...oh,oh....
 I brought the kids inside the grocery store to buy some foodstuff. We were passing through an alley when Orvik stopped dead in his tracks and pointed to a big poster (an ad) with a photo of a pregnant woman holding a piece of bread and smiling at her daughter who was also holding a piece of bread and carressing her mom's tummy.
Orvik: (calling his brother's attention) Kuya, look at the woman. She's so fat. Her tummy is so big. Nasobrahan yata bread! (Too much bread, I suppose!)
Rovik: (LOL!) Ha,ha,ha.
Me: (containing my amusement) Oo nga noh? (Yes.) Maybe that's what happens when you eat too much bread.
(Boy, was I not in ready to explain the whys and wherefores of pregnancy inside a grocery store. That incident kept me and my older son chuckling for days.)
Orvik: Mom, Kuya is already berserk.
Me: Berserk? What do you mean by that?
Orvik: Berserk means crazy, Mom. In Tagalog and Bisaya, it's "buang."
Me: Oh. Where did you learn that word?
Orvik: From the iPad. In "Ayjoms"
Me: Ay-joms?
Orvik: Yes, Ayjoms. It's there.
Me: Oh, you mean idioms?
Orvik: Yes. There's a "berserk" warrior there.
Dad: (asking Orvik) If you believe in Jesus, what will happen to you?
Orvik: If we believe in Jesus, we will have internal life.
Dad: Internal life? What do you mean?
Orvik: Internal life - it means you will live forever.
Dad: Oh, you mean "eternal" life?
Orvik: Yes, it is a gift from God. But if you do not believe, do you know what you'll get?
Dad: What?
Orvik: "Infernal" life. You will be with demons.
 Orvik, my six-year old son has renewed his interest in soldiers and in anything connected to soldiers. His incoherent 10-page "book" consists of soldiers' adventures.
Just this day over lunch, I caught father and son in a conversation on... You guess, soldiers, what else? Here are the snippets of the verbal tussle I overheard:
Dad: Do you really want to be a soldier? I don't want you to be one. I want you to be a doctor.
Orvik: No, I want to be a soldier. Soldiers can heal others too.
Dad: If he is a doctor-soldier, yes. But if not, he can't heal.
Orvik: Yes, he can. I saw it. The soldier used a tissue on another soldier's wound.
Dad: A tissue? You don't use a tissue on wounds. It will cause infection and the soldier will die. You just use a tissue when you poop.
Orvik: (whines) No!!! I saw it when I watched "Band of Brothers." A soldier used a tissue to heal the wound. You really need a tissue when you are a soldier! Do you want to see it?
Dad (clams up): uh,uh. Ok. You might be right. He probably just used it to stop the bleeding. So, if you want to be a soldier, what should you do?
Orvik: I told you, you should just bring a tissue paper. Then go to the camp. Then you WILL be a soldier already.
Conversation ends.
Now, I will never look at the tissue paper the same way, again.
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